Hiking in New Mexico October 2013

Little Queen

Eve 12-18 months Spring-Fall 2013

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Eve, 18 months old

Super Easy, Super Cute Halloween Wreath!

With Halloween just a few weeks away it's almost time to dig out all your fun, spooky decor, brainstorm your next over the top costume, buy candy early, eat all the candy you bought early and have to buy MORE candy...surely I can't be the only one who does that...and get to act like a kid again!  What's not to love about Halloween!

Before we begin let me be very clear that this is an OUTDOOR project and it's best to do it on a day with little to no wind unless you want to spray paint yourself, your car, the neighbors dog or whatever else is nearby.

So let's get started! You will need:

• 1 twig wreath (any size)
• Black spray paint
• Shimmer spray paint in the color of your choice, I used purple
• Fun Halloween trinkets to bedazzle the wreath. I used spiders and a beware sign, but the options really are limitless.
• Newspaper or cardboard 
• Hot glue gun and glue sticks
• Gloves (optional if you want to keep your hands clean) 

Lay out the newspaper or cardboard to create your work space. Start by 'fluffing' the wreath. Twig wreaths are tightly wound and look better when pulled apart a bit.  It will also make it easier to get full coverage with the spray paint. Once you're happy with the way the wreath looks, start spraying!  (This is my favorite part) Layer the paint, alternating colors, until all sides of the wreath are covered.

Oh wait, this is my favorite part, break out your hot glue gun and decorate the wreath. And that's it, you're done.  Hang, enjoy and have a wonderfully spooky Halloween!!!!

Eve In Frog Pot

Eve is sunshine and unicorns all day long...the child floors me.  We were at Katie's not too long ago swimming in her pool and when we finished, Eve went over to an over sized frog shaped garden pot, found her way inside and gave it a big long hug. Sweet child stayed in just in time to take a picture...sublime.

Oh that face.

Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Girl!

I will blog the entire party as soon as I can channel some energy...and finish cleaning the house after Eve's fabulous party!

Zeppelin 2002-2013

When we woke in the early hours on Friday morning (March 1, 2013) to the sound of our dog crying we had no idea what the next fourteen hours would bring. Our beloved Zeppelin was suffering from severe cluster seizures and our only hope was getting him help before permanent damage had been done. We were at my in laws in New Braunfels and had difficulty finding a vet that would work us in, but after many phone calls, and one office closed due to a gas leak, we finally reached sympathetic ears. They immediately gave him a serious dose of Valium and started him on anti seizure medication with the hope that it would break the horrific cycle that was holding him hostage. They recommended we return home and get him to our vet asap, they told us our vet would probably keep him a few days for observation until they could get the dosage right for his medicine.

We made an appointment with our vet, the latest they could take us, and left for Houston as fast as we could. Zepp was seriously sedated when we set out, but soon after being on the road he started to have more seizures. Eve was terrified and crying, Matt was trying to stay calm and focus on getting us there safely, I was trying to console Zeppelin, and Russia had climbed to the front seat, thoroughly confused as to what was going on. It was not a pleasant four hour road trip. Houston traffic was typical for a Friday at five o'clock and we ended up an hour late to our appointment. Our vet and her staff stayed late to see us and we were only too thankful they did. She took him to a room but soon returned to the waiting area with tear filled eyes. She said the amount of drugs he was given should have broken the cycle of seizures but because it hadn't there was very little she could do. He had at that point suffered irreversible brain damage and even if he pulled through he would never be the same.

My emotional self told me to hang on, look for more answers, find another vet but my rational self said to end his suffering and say our goodbyes.  It is a decision that I will question for some time, but when the tears dry and the pain lessens I'm sure I will know that we made the choice that was right for Zeppelin.

At the darkest time of my life, when I was surrounded by tunnel, and there wasn't a light, Zeppelin stood beside me and would not leave me alone.  He and his sister Russia kept me warm, sane and happy when I had no right to be.  I always said that he loved me more than any man ever could, and as much as Matt loves me, I still believe that to be true.  I thank God that I was there right beside him in his darkest time, when he passed from this world to the next. In his last moments, when he couldn't even open his eyes exhausted from his ordeal, and left damaged beyond our repair, he lifted his head and placed it on my lap. He knew I was there.  And with him a piece of me died as well.  The pain that burrows through flesh and splinters bone like a weapon, feels as though it will never end, and my broken heart aches to be healed.

We have learned that he had some brain legion or tumor pressing on his brain that was incurable.  I feel helpless and out of control but I guess there is comfort knowing we did all that we could do for our sweet buddy.  Zeppelin was a special dog, I know everyone says that about their dog, but he really was.  Ask anyone who knew him.  He was vulnerable in the most endearing way, he was protective but neurotic, he was a medal winner of a 5K fun run race for dogs and his capacity to love was unmatched by anything I have seen. Oh, and he was particularly fond of the ladies...both human and canine.

Besides his legacy of unconditional love he leaves behind his sister Russia; who looks for him when we go outside but knows he will never return.  They were two parts to a whole, fire and water, and if I am hurting I can't begin to think what she must be going through. We have let her sleep in our bed since Friday, and if I had to guess that is where she will sleep until the end of her days.

I love you Buddy, you were more than a dog, you were more than family, you were a part of me that will never be replaced. The void you leave behind is vast and my only solace is knowing your suffering has ended. Watch us from your place in heaven as I know you to be the angelest of all the angels.

Every Girl Needs A Cape

I have a small addiction I feel the need to come clean about...I'm obsessed with idiot proof photo editing apps, like the one I used here, PicsArt.  It is an Android app, since my iPod circa 2006 is the only Apple product I own...yeah, yeah I know there are way cooler apps for Apple users, but that is an argument you will have to take up with my husband:) and besides, I really like PicsArt.  It's easy and fun.  My two major requirements when using technology.  However, don't ask me how I came to the finished product you see above as I really have no idea what I'm doing!  And it still produced a great picture...see...idiot proof.  Enjoy.

My Sweet Girl

Villanelle

Light a fire

I want to light it on fire,
watch smoke fall, ash rise.
Char the house of my desire.

It is a metaphor I think,
but no, for it is a real house
and I want to light it on fire.

Cracked foundation thin as wire,
iron bed before the wall red,
char the house of my desire.

Start with gasoline, dried leaves, tire
a crisp night to get a crackle,
I need to light it on fire.

This, my first time to conspire
with eyes that burn to witness
flames take the house of my desire.

Cursed house will play the witches pyre,
unbind my soul from the trunk of hell.
I am going to light it on fire.
Destroy the house of my desire.

This is a fun piece and one of my favorites to visualize.  It is a structured form called a Villanelle, where you have two refrains and two repeating lines.  The first and third line of the first stanza alternately repeat until the last stanza, which includes both repeated lines.  I think I like this form because it's roots lie in song. I would like at some point to put this to music and see where it leads me.

Probably the most famous example of a Villanelle is "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas.  But my favorite is "Mad Girl's Love Song" by Sylvia Plath.

Eve as Hello Kitty

I don't believe I need to say much about this picture...it makes me so happy.

I miss my bearded man!

Today Eve and I had the chance to get together with an old friend, and meet a few new cool ones, at the Gristmill in beautiful historic Gruene.

I'm a sucker for their chicken fried chicken and massive Texas sized onion rings, and today discovered that they also make a yummy sangria that is served in what else...a lovely little mason jar!  Lunch with two musicians and three labor and delivery nurses made for really interesting conversation while Eve was equally entertained by the beautiful outdoors (you have to eat outside) and the two perfectly unkempt beards (worn by the musicians...not the nurses). My sweet child loves a good beard, we think it's because her Daddy has one; and while lunch was fun, it really made me miss my perfectly bearded man. 

Okay so I'm new to blogging and not quite used to thinking about blogging in my regular life. So it didn't occur to me to take a picture of our motley crew at lunch until I was in the car...whomp. But in honor of my husband, just to be clear who wasn't at lunch but who does have a fabulous beard, I thought I would post a picture of him and Eve!

Hi Daddy we miss you! Matt is currently working in Colorado on a project that I couldn't even begin to explain (without sounding like a complete idiot) so I have just decided that he is probably a spy in the middle of a covert operation and that he may not even be in Colorado...if i had to guess I'd say he's in Panama.  I will have to check to see if he has tan lines when he returns. Just for the record, Matt would make an awesome spy...the CIA should have snatched him up years ago...if they haven't already.

For Eve

There are stars in the sky just for Eve.
Rivers ramble wide just for Eve.
Mountains scrape the sky,
ocean's crashing tides.
And they're all just for Eve

Make me write

A grand champion
hopscotch winner.
I love that plastic trophy.
Dust builds houses
in the cracks of her wings,
on the edges of the plaque
that bears my name
etched into Candyland,
Shoots and Ladders.
So simple.
The sun-lazy on tomboy hair
like hot air balloons over Switzerland
or fluorescent pink icing on birthday cake.
A long summer at the neighborhood pool.
Fruit roll-ups, Capri Sun,
instant brownies, thunder.
Time to get out of the water.

I'll be eleven on
eight eight of eighty-eight
Roller skating, crooked teeth,
Care Bear laces.
Those moments before.
Before the sound of the ocean
would sit on frozen ears
like sirens for help.
She brought the words like a
nightmare found
on burnt parchment paper
under a soggy rock
I trip over
running from tombstones
and tides.
Spiral notebook,
number two pencil.
Make me write.
It was not quite summer
when we lost her
to the muddy coast of Surfside.
And there's nothing I can do
but watch the tide break
on tar tattooed beach
and write-her name
over and over in the sand.

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Eve on a Thursday

Bridal Portraits | September 2010

Here are a few of my favorite bridal portraits taken by the extremely talented Jessica Vincent Cain of VK Fine Art.  She was a joy to shoot with and simply brilliant with location and light!  My dress is by Oleg Cassini and I made the necklace.  My gorgeous hair style (that only took about two hours and 32oz. of conditioner to detangle) was created and masterfully set in place by Clemente Javier. I did my own makeup that day...and my arms were crafted by hours upon hours of unforgiving Bikram Yoga.

 If you look really closely you can see that I am not actually wearing my engagement ring.  It was being altered so I wore my Great Grandmother's engagement ring instead. European cut diamonds in platinum, circa early 1900's...not a bad trade.

 The couch had come from my childhood home, it was my Grandmother Tisha's favorite seat in the house.  I can still see her laying with her feet up reading a book.  My Mom and I brought it with us all the way from Houston to this lovely creek bank in Salita.

I'd like to thank my Mom for always being so supportive and who made the whole experience fun and inspiring!

Angel

ANGEL

help me transcend
for the veins of
complacency
have no end
un-achievements
rock the porch of
a spirit who will not
leave-an empty room
to room searching
chasing name calling
phantom in the place
that played on ears
follow like
ice-blue irises
blood stained,
pupils dilated
not the rotten stone
I have waited
but whole and healed
of the world I knew
and castle ruins
I painted you into

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