Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Girl!

I will blog the entire party as soon as I can channel some energy...and finish cleaning the house after Eve's fabulous party!

Zeppelin 2002-2013

When we woke in the early hours on Friday morning (March 1, 2013) to the sound of our dog crying we had no idea what the next fourteen hours would bring. Our beloved Zeppelin was suffering from severe cluster seizures and our only hope was getting him help before permanent damage had been done. We were at my in laws in New Braunfels and had difficulty finding a vet that would work us in, but after many phone calls, and one office closed due to a gas leak, we finally reached sympathetic ears. They immediately gave him a serious dose of Valium and started him on anti seizure medication with the hope that it would break the horrific cycle that was holding him hostage. They recommended we return home and get him to our vet asap, they told us our vet would probably keep him a few days for observation until they could get the dosage right for his medicine.

We made an appointment with our vet, the latest they could take us, and left for Houston as fast as we could. Zepp was seriously sedated when we set out, but soon after being on the road he started to have more seizures. Eve was terrified and crying, Matt was trying to stay calm and focus on getting us there safely, I was trying to console Zeppelin, and Russia had climbed to the front seat, thoroughly confused as to what was going on. It was not a pleasant four hour road trip. Houston traffic was typical for a Friday at five o'clock and we ended up an hour late to our appointment. Our vet and her staff stayed late to see us and we were only too thankful they did. She took him to a room but soon returned to the waiting area with tear filled eyes. She said the amount of drugs he was given should have broken the cycle of seizures but because it hadn't there was very little she could do. He had at that point suffered irreversible brain damage and even if he pulled through he would never be the same.

My emotional self told me to hang on, look for more answers, find another vet but my rational self said to end his suffering and say our goodbyes.  It is a decision that I will question for some time, but when the tears dry and the pain lessens I'm sure I will know that we made the choice that was right for Zeppelin.

At the darkest time of my life, when I was surrounded by tunnel, and there wasn't a light, Zeppelin stood beside me and would not leave me alone.  He and his sister Russia kept me warm, sane and happy when I had no right to be.  I always said that he loved me more than any man ever could, and as much as Matt loves me, I still believe that to be true.  I thank God that I was there right beside him in his darkest time, when he passed from this world to the next. In his last moments, when he couldn't even open his eyes exhausted from his ordeal, and left damaged beyond our repair, he lifted his head and placed it on my lap. He knew I was there.  And with him a piece of me died as well.  The pain that burrows through flesh and splinters bone like a weapon, feels as though it will never end, and my broken heart aches to be healed.

We have learned that he had some brain legion or tumor pressing on his brain that was incurable.  I feel helpless and out of control but I guess there is comfort knowing we did all that we could do for our sweet buddy.  Zeppelin was a special dog, I know everyone says that about their dog, but he really was.  Ask anyone who knew him.  He was vulnerable in the most endearing way, he was protective but neurotic, he was a medal winner of a 5K fun run race for dogs and his capacity to love was unmatched by anything I have seen. Oh, and he was particularly fond of the ladies...both human and canine.

Besides his legacy of unconditional love he leaves behind his sister Russia; who looks for him when we go outside but knows he will never return.  They were two parts to a whole, fire and water, and if I am hurting I can't begin to think what she must be going through. We have let her sleep in our bed since Friday, and if I had to guess that is where she will sleep until the end of her days.

I love you Buddy, you were more than a dog, you were more than family, you were a part of me that will never be replaced. The void you leave behind is vast and my only solace is knowing your suffering has ended. Watch us from your place in heaven as I know you to be the angelest of all the angels.